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Updated: Oct 8, 2021

i miss everyone i’ve ever dated. is that weird to say? i don’t miss them in the way the french say, “tu me manques,” as in “you are missing from me.” i miss them in the way i rewatch a show we discovered together, and the way i make my bed the way they showed me, and hearing the really good song that we argued about the lyrics’ meaning over .

i’m sentimental as fuck. but this kind of missing doesn’t feel subtractive. it is not the way they are missing from me, it is all the ways they have added to me. made me more, fuller, richer.

in the end, the forevers we whispered in bed were true. it just wasn’t in the person.

it was in me.

i am transformed,


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each time i find myself creating new love is another time that i learn i never really lost it. it exists in me forever, pushing the boundaries of my heart until i am heavy and empty at the same time.

i deserve the love i want. i deserve clarity and certainty. the next time i fall in love, i won’t need to convince myself of it. it will just be the plain truth. i won’t need to write roundabout prose

no one’s perfect but you are very good

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